In the message that a lady sent to me recently, she said, “My last baby was a girl, like the rest. I would later hear that when my father went to see my husband, who refused to visit the baby and I at the clinic, he cried his eyes out. Over what? We had a girl-child; a child who didn’t ask to be born. I almost went into depression, not because I had “another girl” but because of my husband’s self-centred disposition.

“I had that child via a caesarean section and was battling high blood pressure and high sugar level. Yet, all my husband was occupied with was the gender of the child that God gave to us. He was less concerned about my health. Honestly, this side of my husband, coupled with similar stories that I have heard about men who behave awkwardly to the news of “another girl” child, has made me realise that the average man is self-absorbed!”

She continued, “I had lost three ‘near term’ pregnancies before our first daughter arrived. I was losing those pregnancies due to a health condition that induced automatic abortion of those babies. The first two were females but the third was a boy; very hairy and tall!

During those times, my husband’s prayer was that ‘even if it’s only one child that God can bless us with, I will forever be grateful’. His concern was neither a boy nor a girl but a child. So, today that we have been blessed with more children, what has changed?”

When I read your words, I remember that when you look around you, there is always someone whose situation life is using to tell you that ‘you are even lucky’, and then my mind settled on three neighbours of ours, immediately.

When I had my first child, a lady came to greet me. As soon as she held my child, she started crying. Then she said, ‘if only God can bless me with something like this. This is over 17 years of marriage’.

I thought of another couple living a few blocks away from us. Theirs is over a decade of marriage and they have no children. They are most likely in their middle age and doing well in their career.

I also remembered a third couple that lives around us. They have also been married for many years and when the babies were not forthcoming, they settled for adoption. They adopted a baby boy, who is now the apple of their eyes. Many others around us also have both male and female children!

After praying so much for a male child, I mustered the courage to go for a scan and it revealed I was carrying a female child. Believing that God would perform a miracle for us, I went shopping for baby items on that particular day and all I bought were baby-boy items.

The times I stumbled on the conversations in my husband’s virtual forums; all he asked was what measures should a couple looking for a male child take to make their dream a reality?

It’s true that I was praying for a male child since I discovered that I was pregnant with my last baby, but if a female child is what God has given us, then that is exactly the child that will bring joy into our lives, and I have chosen to be grateful.”

From Oby

I wish our men could be less self-absorbed and try putting themselves in the shoes of the person who went through nine months of all sorts of risks to her life, only to end up being made to feel like a loser. Honestly, if a lot of children are told about their father’s disposition towards the circumstances of their birth, children would be the ones disowning their fathers.


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